One of the blessings of growing up into my 70's is I can look back at my life with greater understanding and practice compassion for family who could not see as clearly as was needed. It is a relief to recognize how almost impossible it is to stand with and for others rather than protest for the difference among us. Most of the folk who caused pain then have passed. I like to sincerely imagine they understand fully and see me clearly now. Thanks for the wisdom in your words.
Beautiful story, thank you. A remarkably loving father who allows his son to use his own language rather than insist on conformity and correctness. The father knows his son will soon differentiate between kitties and doggies, and this moment will be a cherished memory.
I’d encourage my younger self to be who you are, not to strive to meet other’s expectations of who you are or should be. So your best, stay kind. You are a blessing to the world!!
You are a wonderful boy and are lovable. You're doing the best you can at the moment. There are many painful and scary things in your life, but you are doing your best to deal with them. Your imagination is good, you intuition is good, your body is good, you are good.
I can only hope the father asked your friend if it was ok for his son to sit next to the dog and pet him. That is as important as accepting his sweet son's use of the term kitty. Kitty or no, it could have ended very differently had the dad not asked first.
How interesting. I was just reading a piece for work about early vocabulary development in children today that explained the way a child will use one word for other objects they see fit within a similar category. And here it is in your story. :-)
My youngest daughter called everything with four legs Toto for awhile. That was the name of our dog at the time. We all loved it.
I love that....there are things my daughter used as placeholders like "toto" too. some of those words are still in our family short hand language for things :-)
My eldest daughter works as an editor. Once, she presented me a description of a physical phenomenon from a novel she edited, and asked if it was accurate. Flattered that she asked me to help in her work, I went the extra mile to provide the correct (and perhaps dull as a flat tire) explanation, a more sophisticated version of telling a "doggie" from a "kitty". She read it, and replied: "Thanks, but I'll rather stick to the author's inaccurate description."
This day, I learned that the perfect empirical fidelity is not the only, and not necessarily the best, way to describe.
The boy in your friend's story will learn, in due time, about doggies, and perhaps, wolves, too. To let the child express his happy experience with a word that, for him, conveyed the description of this happiness ("kitty"), was a great parental wisdom.
A beautiful story, truly worth sharing in the Sunday post!
Oh, Carrie. I’m learning that a good story-teller elicits our own stories. On a beautiful afternoon, while sitting out at a harbor restaurant, a precious 3 yr old wandered to the railing, looked excitedly at seagulls in the water, and yelled delightedly “CHICKENS!” looking to us to share the joy.
I smiled and said, “ No, baby. Those are seagulls. Chickens live on the land and give us eggs. Seagulls fly and can float on water. They love water. Those are seagulls.”
His Mom n I shared that ‘knowing’ smile that adults have, when we’ve ‘educated’ an errant child. He looked from me, to the seagulls, who were strangely silent as if awaiting their fate, as the earth stilled, and said much more quietly to his little self this time “water chickens.” Wow. Something in the whole cosmos seemed to shift for just a moment, as he joyfully ran back to Mom, dilemma solved. The birds returned to their robust calling and the earth started spinning again.
I learned we can relanguage, can be filled w/Joy just at the pure nature of being itself, regardless of who’s doing the naming, maybe even claiming our own nature in the process. I also wondered that WE misname events in our lives, and thereby miss the gifts and blessings they bring.
This reminds me of something in one of Julia Cameron’s books about renaming things as a creative exercise. And I know it happens sometimes when a word is translated from one language to another.
I will try to encourage to use your heart for growth. To try to understand the meaning of compassion, kindness, and patience. I never knew what that meant growing up. I tried to use my intellect, and in most cases, failed.
Also, to understand growth. Everything in the universe grows, from the tiniest atom to the greatest of trees.
I have learned that it is not too late to be teachable. Thanks Carrie!
Thank you for this lovely story and your always wise perspective. As a therapist for over 40 years, I am continually making that judgment call - when to compassionately nudge someone into (what I believe is) a more life-giving possibility, and when to step back and respect their need to stay where they are for now. It is a sacred trust. At those moments when I am more eager for them to shift than they are, I want to remember this story.
That would be a very tender line to walk, it would take great wisdom, experience and trust in your own deep intuition. Thank you for the beautiful gift you are in the world.
Thank you, Carrie, for your loving response. It moves me deeply to be seen and heard by someone of your caliber for what I am called to offer the world. 💕
Younger self, There are people and experiences in your life that you want to believe are absolutely right for you (or that you can make right for you.) Then things change. Sometimes impermanence feels hard and sad. You will sometimes question yourself and your judgement harshly. The truth is you were doing the best you could then. Making the choices you did and could in that moment. Moments of learning and growing. Some day you may notice those experiences brought you here today. Blow a kiss to your sweet learning growing self.
Yes. Yes, indeed. Carrie does provide a bit of a soundtrack for my life. Light in the Window is one of my favorites. Cheryl Strayed in her book Tiny Beautiful Things writes about our sister lives, the life you didn’t choose.
‘I'll never know, and neither will you, of the life you don't choose. We'll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn't carry us. There's nothing to do but salute it from the shore.’
Cheryl Strayed, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar
Thank you, Julia, for introducing me to the idea of “sister lives” and this book. I’m very interested in reading more about it and getting Cheryl Strayed’s book. Thank you!
Things get much better, some things will always be hard, and you have what you need. There will be some magical moments and absolutely lovely people who will bring you great joy. Have compassion for your enemies, because most of them live inside you. Love and listen to all your parts. It gets so much better. And a midwestern folksinger will teach you many things.
Message to my younger self: I thought about what to write, and I decided that Carrie said it well - “You can do this hard thing”
One of the blessings of growing up into my 70's is I can look back at my life with greater understanding and practice compassion for family who could not see as clearly as was needed. It is a relief to recognize how almost impossible it is to stand with and for others rather than protest for the difference among us. Most of the folk who caused pain then have passed. I like to sincerely imagine they understand fully and see me clearly now. Thanks for the wisdom in your words.
Beautiful story, thank you. A remarkably loving father who allows his son to use his own language rather than insist on conformity and correctness. The father knows his son will soon differentiate between kitties and doggies, and this moment will be a cherished memory.
I’d encourage my younger self to be who you are, not to strive to meet other’s expectations of who you are or should be. So your best, stay kind. You are a blessing to the world!!
You are a wonderful boy and are lovable. You're doing the best you can at the moment. There are many painful and scary things in your life, but you are doing your best to deal with them. Your imagination is good, you intuition is good, your body is good, you are good.
such a lovely thing to tell that wonderful little guy that was you. isn't compassion and grace a beautiful gift to give ourselves?!
Yes, compassion and grace are wonderful gifts!
I love how moving toward the light bends the light within us to reflect rays we haven’t yet seen in ourselves.
I can only hope the father asked your friend if it was ok for his son to sit next to the dog and pet him. That is as important as accepting his sweet son's use of the term kitty. Kitty or no, it could have ended very differently had the dad not asked first.
How interesting. I was just reading a piece for work about early vocabulary development in children today that explained the way a child will use one word for other objects they see fit within a similar category. And here it is in your story. :-)
My youngest daughter called everything with four legs Toto for awhile. That was the name of our dog at the time. We all loved it.
I love that....there are things my daughter used as placeholders like "toto" too. some of those words are still in our family short hand language for things :-)
... and the second part, the letter to a younger self. If I wrote one, it would comprise this guidance:
"Don’t pay too much attention to long term goals.
Stick rather to the values you hold dear, and in every situation judge and choose according to them.
Life always goes a way we could not have foreseen, you can end up achieving goals better than you could envisage."
My eldest daughter works as an editor. Once, she presented me a description of a physical phenomenon from a novel she edited, and asked if it was accurate. Flattered that she asked me to help in her work, I went the extra mile to provide the correct (and perhaps dull as a flat tire) explanation, a more sophisticated version of telling a "doggie" from a "kitty". She read it, and replied: "Thanks, but I'll rather stick to the author's inaccurate description."
This day, I learned that the perfect empirical fidelity is not the only, and not necessarily the best, way to describe.
The boy in your friend's story will learn, in due time, about doggies, and perhaps, wolves, too. To let the child express his happy experience with a word that, for him, conveyed the description of this happiness ("kitty"), was a great parental wisdom.
A beautiful story, truly worth sharing in the Sunday post!
Oh, Carrie. I’m learning that a good story-teller elicits our own stories. On a beautiful afternoon, while sitting out at a harbor restaurant, a precious 3 yr old wandered to the railing, looked excitedly at seagulls in the water, and yelled delightedly “CHICKENS!” looking to us to share the joy.
I smiled and said, “ No, baby. Those are seagulls. Chickens live on the land and give us eggs. Seagulls fly and can float on water. They love water. Those are seagulls.”
His Mom n I shared that ‘knowing’ smile that adults have, when we’ve ‘educated’ an errant child. He looked from me, to the seagulls, who were strangely silent as if awaiting their fate, as the earth stilled, and said much more quietly to his little self this time “water chickens.” Wow. Something in the whole cosmos seemed to shift for just a moment, as he joyfully ran back to Mom, dilemma solved. The birds returned to their robust calling and the earth started spinning again.
I learned we can relanguage, can be filled w/Joy just at the pure nature of being itself, regardless of who’s doing the naming, maybe even claiming our own nature in the process. I also wondered that WE misname events in our lives, and thereby miss the gifts and blessings they bring.
I loooooove that water chickens!
This reminds me of something in one of Julia Cameron’s books about renaming things as a creative exercise. And I know it happens sometimes when a word is translated from one language to another.
I will try to encourage to use your heart for growth. To try to understand the meaning of compassion, kindness, and patience. I never knew what that meant growing up. I tried to use my intellect, and in most cases, failed.
Also, to understand growth. Everything in the universe grows, from the tiniest atom to the greatest of trees.
I have learned that it is not too late to be teachable. Thanks Carrie!
Yes, the heart is vulnerable and at times difficult to open for growth. It's a great reminder to do so. Thanks.
Thank you for this lovely story and your always wise perspective. As a therapist for over 40 years, I am continually making that judgment call - when to compassionately nudge someone into (what I believe is) a more life-giving possibility, and when to step back and respect their need to stay where they are for now. It is a sacred trust. At those moments when I am more eager for them to shift than they are, I want to remember this story.
That would be a very tender line to walk, it would take great wisdom, experience and trust in your own deep intuition. Thank you for the beautiful gift you are in the world.
Thank you, Carrie, for your loving response. It moves me deeply to be seen and heard by someone of your caliber for what I am called to offer the world. 💕
Beautiful story, I literally felt it loosen something in my body. Good way to start this beautiful day. Thank you.
Younger self, There are people and experiences in your life that you want to believe are absolutely right for you (or that you can make right for you.) Then things change. Sometimes impermanence feels hard and sad. You will sometimes question yourself and your judgement harshly. The truth is you were doing the best you could then. Making the choices you did and could in that moment. Moments of learning and growing. Some day you may notice those experiences brought you here today. Blow a kiss to your sweet learning growing self.
I often reflect upon and repeat the line from A Light In The Window,
“What would I change if the choice were mine?
I was doing the best I knew at the time.” It brings me great comfort.
Yes. Yes, indeed. Carrie does provide a bit of a soundtrack for my life. Light in the Window is one of my favorites. Cheryl Strayed in her book Tiny Beautiful Things writes about our sister lives, the life you didn’t choose.
‘I'll never know, and neither will you, of the life you don't choose. We'll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn't carry us. There's nothing to do but salute it from the shore.’
Cheryl Strayed, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar
Thank you, Julia, for introducing me to the idea of “sister lives” and this book. I’m very interested in reading more about it and getting Cheryl Strayed’s book. Thank you!
Self-compassion permeates your letter. Thanks.
A letter to my younger self?
Things get much better, some things will always be hard, and you have what you need. There will be some magical moments and absolutely lovely people who will bring you great joy. Have compassion for your enemies, because most of them live inside you. Love and listen to all your parts. It gets so much better. And a midwestern folksinger will teach you many things.
I love the acceptance in your letter to yourself and the having what you need. Thanks.
Thank you so much, Michael!
“...you have what you need.” Love it! If we could just allow that to filter our thoughts in those tougher times. Thanks, Jeff.
Thank you, Cyntcha!