My daughter Eleanore inspired me as the most authentic person I have known. She was born with cerebral palsy and profound deafness, so her life was not easy (nor was mine as her mother) and it was short. She died unexpectedly just before her 12th birthday. She was such an example to me of just being who you are! No masks. She connected instantly with new people who were open to her - no language needed. Those who were put off by her impairments did not experience her rich character, love and sense of humor. She was herself, and she had boundaries.
It took decades, but I finally took the leap of leaving my emotionally violent marriage and finding my authentic self. It was excruciating for a time, but 2+ years in I am so grateful. To feel safe and just be my authentic self is a gift. It's an ongoing discovery
Tamara, Thank you so much for sharing about your inspiration, dear Eleanore. Sounds like she was truly her momma’s strong daughter. Sounds like it took every ounce of strength and courage to leave your marriage and find your authentic true self. May have had some help from your special strong angel, Eleanore❤️
What a moving tribute so soulfully expressed. Thank you, Carrie. I had read this years ago in your book but to hear it this morning truly brought it to life. I can think of a beloved teacher who instilled in me the belief that people could and would love me exactly as I am rather than the way I thought they wanted me to be. What I've struggled with most as a hard-wired people pleaser (!) is letting go of the need for others' approval. I do my best these days to base my words and actions in the spirit of kindness, of justice, of truth. Some approve of these words, many do not (and are quite eager to tell me so!). Being authentic for me means speaking from the deepest place I know to be "me" - deeper than words, deeper than thoughts. The time I took the biggest risk of being authentic was the day I finally admitted to myself that I wasn't broken, I wasn't sinful, and I certainly didn't need to be fixed or cured simply because my love didn't conform to society's expectations. The day after I came out was the day I started living.
It’s an honor to hear a little of your story, Logan. And to be aware of the “me- deeper than words, deeper than thoughts” no doubt comes after a lot of introspection.
I believe that childhood trauma stemmed how I used to live my life l, “ walking in someone else’s shadow” so to speak. I was shy, withdrawn with low self esteem. I relied on other’s to make decisions for me. I lived my life afraid of the unknown. Growing up the shoe was on the other foot and my mom had a beautiful singing voice and I was always told don’t sing, you can’t sing. To say in her words “ you can’t carry a tune across the street in a wet paper bag”. I was told I was tone deaf.
That is until my previous minister crossed my life path. She, being a part of the LGBTQ2S+ community faced many challenges. We had some very deep conversations. Understanding more of what struggles she had to deal with, but yet is proud of who she is, doesn’t change anything for anyone and stands tall and confident. She was being authentic to herself. I learned from her how to be authentic to myself and my world began to change. I began to come out of my shell, standing tall and more confident, not caring what others think of me, walking away from toxic and stressful relationships, taking on roles and positions I would have never dreamed of doing and I began to sing without a care. I no longer “walk in some else’s shadow but I walk with my shadow behind me”.Making decisions for myself by myself. Many in my church family have told me how much I’ve changed and how proud they are of me. But it wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for her. Just by being who she is, she inspired me to do so much for myself.
I’m so glad for these changes and being authentic to myself as I’m now able to challenge myself to do “hard things”. When Covid hit, I turned to your music, poetry, and essays to get me through, and you inspired me to learn guitar. I’m loving it, it’s great therapy for me mentally. Recently I played at my church for Christmas Eve. I played and sang with confidence and I’m so proud of how far I have come. Thank you Carrie for inspiring me and being Authentically you.
What a beautiful and powerful post. I was so touched by "I no longer walk in some else’s shadow but I walk with my shadow behind me”. We all have a shadow, its part of who we are, but it doesn't have to go before us and be the filter in which we view and engage with the world. My heart goes out to you being told you could not sing. This is a true story...I auditioned and couldn't get into the high school choir - and someone in my Jr. High School church choir told me to "just mouth the words." I'm so grateful that you met that wonderful courageous and authentic pastor. I'm so joyous to hear you are singing and playing guitar!!!
Oh Carrie thank you for sharing your story. I can’t believe that you with such a beautiful angelic voice would be told to just mouth the words. As for your high school, they had no idea what they were missing!! Love your beautiful voice
This is about someone who actually inspired me to live authentically into who I was, or who I was becoming. During a time of great inward and outward transformation, my artistic self was emerging and was leaning into it by changing a few things about how I dressed. Not radical changes, but enough for people who knew me to notice. And I was nervous about it. My wise counselor told me that everyone gets one, and only one, vote about appearance. If they use it to decide their own appearance, they have no vote about mine. I have remembered that, and have also reminded myself when I observed myself being judgmental about someone else. This advice was very freeing for me.
I love that advice, how empowering. Thank you for sharing, Jeff. I can see it being so useful as both the dresser and the observer (when ego never fails to want to compare/judge!).
My daughter Eleanore inspired me as the most authentic person I have known. She was born with cerebral palsy and profound deafness, so her life was not easy (nor was mine as her mother) and it was short. She died unexpectedly just before her 12th birthday. She was such an example to me of just being who you are! No masks. She connected instantly with new people who were open to her - no language needed. Those who were put off by her impairments did not experience her rich character, love and sense of humor. She was herself, and she had boundaries.
It took decades, but I finally took the leap of leaving my emotionally violent marriage and finding my authentic self. It was excruciating for a time, but 2+ years in I am so grateful. To feel safe and just be my authentic self is a gift. It's an ongoing discovery
Tamara, Thank you so much for sharing about your inspiration, dear Eleanore. Sounds like she was truly her momma’s strong daughter. Sounds like it took every ounce of strength and courage to leave your marriage and find your authentic true self. May have had some help from your special strong angel, Eleanore❤️
Your comment warmed my heart. Thank you, Julia. 💜
What a moving tribute so soulfully expressed. Thank you, Carrie. I had read this years ago in your book but to hear it this morning truly brought it to life. I can think of a beloved teacher who instilled in me the belief that people could and would love me exactly as I am rather than the way I thought they wanted me to be. What I've struggled with most as a hard-wired people pleaser (!) is letting go of the need for others' approval. I do my best these days to base my words and actions in the spirit of kindness, of justice, of truth. Some approve of these words, many do not (and are quite eager to tell me so!). Being authentic for me means speaking from the deepest place I know to be "me" - deeper than words, deeper than thoughts. The time I took the biggest risk of being authentic was the day I finally admitted to myself that I wasn't broken, I wasn't sinful, and I certainly didn't need to be fixed or cured simply because my love didn't conform to society's expectations. The day after I came out was the day I started living.
It’s an honor to hear a little of your story, Logan. And to be aware of the “me- deeper than words, deeper than thoughts” no doubt comes after a lot of introspection.
I believe that childhood trauma stemmed how I used to live my life l, “ walking in someone else’s shadow” so to speak. I was shy, withdrawn with low self esteem. I relied on other’s to make decisions for me. I lived my life afraid of the unknown. Growing up the shoe was on the other foot and my mom had a beautiful singing voice and I was always told don’t sing, you can’t sing. To say in her words “ you can’t carry a tune across the street in a wet paper bag”. I was told I was tone deaf.
That is until my previous minister crossed my life path. She, being a part of the LGBTQ2S+ community faced many challenges. We had some very deep conversations. Understanding more of what struggles she had to deal with, but yet is proud of who she is, doesn’t change anything for anyone and stands tall and confident. She was being authentic to herself. I learned from her how to be authentic to myself and my world began to change. I began to come out of my shell, standing tall and more confident, not caring what others think of me, walking away from toxic and stressful relationships, taking on roles and positions I would have never dreamed of doing and I began to sing without a care. I no longer “walk in some else’s shadow but I walk with my shadow behind me”.Making decisions for myself by myself. Many in my church family have told me how much I’ve changed and how proud they are of me. But it wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for her. Just by being who she is, she inspired me to do so much for myself.
I’m so glad for these changes and being authentic to myself as I’m now able to challenge myself to do “hard things”. When Covid hit, I turned to your music, poetry, and essays to get me through, and you inspired me to learn guitar. I’m loving it, it’s great therapy for me mentally. Recently I played at my church for Christmas Eve. I played and sang with confidence and I’m so proud of how far I have come. Thank you Carrie for inspiring me and being Authentically you.
What a beautiful and powerful post. I was so touched by "I no longer walk in some else’s shadow but I walk with my shadow behind me”. We all have a shadow, its part of who we are, but it doesn't have to go before us and be the filter in which we view and engage with the world. My heart goes out to you being told you could not sing. This is a true story...I auditioned and couldn't get into the high school choir - and someone in my Jr. High School church choir told me to "just mouth the words." I'm so grateful that you met that wonderful courageous and authentic pastor. I'm so joyous to hear you are singing and playing guitar!!!
Oh Carrie thank you for sharing your story. I can’t believe that you with such a beautiful angelic voice would be told to just mouth the words. As for your high school, they had no idea what they were missing!! Love your beautiful voice
This is about someone who actually inspired me to live authentically into who I was, or who I was becoming. During a time of great inward and outward transformation, my artistic self was emerging and was leaning into it by changing a few things about how I dressed. Not radical changes, but enough for people who knew me to notice. And I was nervous about it. My wise counselor told me that everyone gets one, and only one, vote about appearance. If they use it to decide their own appearance, they have no vote about mine. I have remembered that, and have also reminded myself when I observed myself being judgmental about someone else. This advice was very freeing for me.
I love that advice, how empowering. Thank you for sharing, Jeff. I can see it being so useful as both the dresser and the observer (when ego never fails to want to compare/judge!).
That was very wise advice. There is a bit of humor in it, but also so very true. Good for you Jeff!