March - A Month of Kindness

Love That Is Human Size

Photo by Dev Leigh on Unsplash

Last weekend I was a musical guest at an online ServiceSpace.org gathering.  ServiceSpace.org often facilitates powerful online experiences that they call “pods” on thoughtful topics. People attend from all over the world, interacting in heart opening ways.

The online retreat experience I visited was an 11 day exploration of Kindness.  I was moved to to hear stories from participants about their experiences and new insights into the power of giving and receiving kindness.  I have long believed the practice of kindness can and does effect the world around us and within us.  I decided that it might be nice to explore the topic of kindness during the month of March, exploring some aspect of a kindness practice each week in my Sunday posting.  There will be opportunities to interact (if you feel so led) with one another through chat and comments.

Addressing Myth 1: Making A Difference Needs To Be Big

I think the first myth about kindness and creating positive change is that its got to be something really BIG to matter.  Mother Theresa said, “So you can’t feed one-hundred, then feed one.”  Author/Educator Dr. Gregory Ellison III tells his story of being a small child and asking his grandmother, “How do I change the whole world?”  His aunt in all her wisdom said, “I can’t change the whole world, but I can change what is three feet around me.” He draws upon that story in retreat experiences, giving participants a simple 3 ft. tape measure which they are encouraged to keep on their person as a reminder of what is close and completely possible as they move through their day.   I can’t change the whole world, but I have tremendous power in how I choose to interact and move through the world.  Kindness is the country cousin to love, it is love made visible in small, daily and doable cup measure.  Kindness is human size. Stop for a moment as you read this and think about a small kindness someone extended to you. Consider how it may have reframed or shifted something for you, how it may have lifted your day or helped you feel connected or supported.  Consider how, to this very day, you remember this kindness when the person who extended the kindness may not remember at all.

I remember flying into a small remote regional airport.  The flight had been delayed and it was long past midnight on Sunday when we finally landed.  The rental car kiosk was closed and there was no way to get my car until the next morning.  I was stuck in a small airport miles from any town, no taxis, hotel shuttles or rental cars available.  I didn’t personally know anyone in the area that I could call for a ride.  I would be sleeping in an airport baggage claim with my guitar case and jacket for a pillow. As the last couple was dragging their luggage toward the door they looked at me sitting there in the emptying and dimming airport.  They asked if I had a ride or anyone to call.  I said “no, I was going to need to wait until the rental car kiosk opened at 9am the next day.” They looked at one another and offered to take me to my hotel.  We packed up my bag and guitar and we set off for the hotel I’d be staying which was 45 minutes away.  I discovered while driving that the couple was returning from a trip from New Zealand. They had been traveling for over 24 hours with very little sleep.  It was exceedingly kind of them to help out a woman traveling alone and stuck in an emptying airport.  When we got to the hotel I thanked them with all my heart, gave them CDs and we embraced.  I offered tickets to my show as I assumed they lived in the same town where the small hotel was located.  They smiled and said that they actually lived about 45 minutes in the opposite direction from the airport where we met.  They drove off into the night with a couple of cups of bad coffee I got them from the hotel lobby.  I’ve never forgotten that couple.  The story inspires me today.  The world was not full of meanness, it was full of people who will lend a hand, help a stranger, drive 45 minutes in the wrong direction because it was the right (and kind) thing to do.

A kindness doesn’t have to look like starting a billion dollar NGO, it might be as simple as making eye contact and sincerely thanking the barista who just brought you coffee.  It may be bringing flowers from your garden to a friend, it might be opening a door or giving an elder your seat.  It might be a check in text, sending a photo of clouds, doing an errand for your partner who is busy today. It might be carrying an ant to the doorstep or extra ear rub for your dog, laying your hand on a tree and saying thank you for its presence here in our neighborhood. A powerful kindness might be as simple as listening, really listening to someone while in conversation.  These small acts create a resonance, a ripple that goes out into the world.  It also changes us because when we express kindness toward others we experience a deep down sense of rightness within ourselves. We learn to accept help when help is offered as kindness, allowing others to feel the transformative power and deep rightness of their own actions in the world. 

Now there are all kinds of push back to extending and accepting kindness in our daily lives which includes feelings like fear of rejection, the discomfort of stepping outside our our normal spheres of safety, working to trust our impulse to kindness when it shows up and following through.  But we’ll explore some of those things in next week’s Sunday post.

Please feel free to share this post with others who might want to join you in these explorations of kindness practice. It might be a fun way to share a positive, human size but transformative experience. One possibility is to invite a friend to text one another as an act of kindness, or describe what happens 3 ft or so this week.

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For Today-And This Week

Question: Can you remember a time when a small kindness shifted your day or how you framed things?  Have you ever felt the transformative power, a shift in yourself, when you extended a kindness to someone else?

Practice:  Find a piece of yarn or string.  Cut a piece that is about 3 ft or so.  Keep it in your coat pocket, purse or wallet for the rest of this week.  Consciously look for an opportunity to extend some simple kindness each day within 3 ft or so.   Write down what you did, and how it felt each day you extended yourself.

Please feel free to join the chat or comment here about any of these encounters through the week. I’ll be checking back in with my own experiences too.

I love this poem by Danusha Lameris, and how she speaks of kindness as daily, doable and as an important part of being human.

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What I’m Reading

(I link all books to one of my favorite independent bookstores, Morganstern’s Booksellers. You can also check out Indiebound for local independent bookstores near you or AbeBooks.com for ecologically friendly used books.

“This is Happiness” by Niall Williams. I’m loving the storytelling and prose of this wonderful Irish writer. Its not so much about a page-turning plot, but the beauty of poetic prose, lovely insights and quirky and oh so human characters your fall in love with immediately.

“Awe” by Dasher Keltner I’ve already written about this book when I first started it. The whole book is wonderful. Science, story and encounter with awe!

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TOUR & MUSIC & WORKSHOPS

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Watch for our Spring Equinox Sale Coming March 20 &21!

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